Parenting is hard.
It is the hardest job I have ever had in this world next to being a wife. Yes, I said next to being a wife. That is another blog that will be coming up.
Parenting is the focus here.
It is hard work.
Some days, I have no idea if I am doing a good job or just sucking at living.
Then there are days where I worry that I am damaging their little personalities.
I have used profanity in front of my children.
I get anxious, turn into a ball of nerves, and get snip snappy with them.
I love my children fiercely.
I constantly show them love with words and actions.
I apologize when I’m being a jerkface and explain to them how my behavior is not the best when I am wrong.
There are times when I feel like a failure. I know I am not alone. There is no manual for parenting. You can find parenting books of all kind but really we do what we have learned from our parents and we adapt that to our own style.
If you have read my blog about my biological mother, you know that my Mother role model was extremely abusive. She instilled fear using abusive language, hitting, screaming, and more hitting. For me, that is not the type of parenting style I want for my own children. What do I do then?
Do I read every book around?
Do I ask my friends what to do?
What is a parent to do in order to figure out what they are doing is right?
I had a very lovely lady tell me to not focus on the what ifs in parenting and instead show my children love. Show them LOVE. I was almost taken aback. I mean, is it really that easy? Just love them? Yes it really is that simple sometimes. I’ve added a few things of my own too.
Teach them compassion. Show your emotions and explain them. Be open and honest with them about life in a manner that they can understand. Be firm and yet flexible. Don’t be afraid to apologize for doing something wrong. Talk to them like they are the people they are verses talking down to them. Introduce faith and spirituality into their lives (some may debate religion and spirituality but I am a Jesus lover and follower). Show humility. Allow them to see me helping other people and encourage them to do the same. Show love and kindness towards strangers. Be accepting. Have an open heart. All of this is great but in the moments in life that get crazy, you are surviving on no sleep and loads of coffee, you haven’t showered, you are behind on laundry, they have activity after activity, you are running like a mad woman, and you feel like a mess, how on Earth do you keep it all together.
I take a deep breath. I remember that I am HUMAN. I like to believe that I am superhuman sometimes but the reality is that I am an imperfect human being striving to learn and grown to be my best. What I focus on is the Ws. A W in sports is a win. A win whether perfect or not is a win. We put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect when in reality there is no human that is perfect. Why strive for something that doesn’t exist? Instead, I focus on the Ws be them BIG or small. Are you sitting there asking yourself but what does she mean? What is a win?
A win is when my children take a picture together and hold hands all on their own because they love each other not because I asked them to pose. A win is when Adalina purposefully blocks another child from going across on the metal walkway in the funhouse because Sammy wasn’t across yet and she knows he is afraid when it shakes a lot. A win is when Sammy says he is picking out a pumpkin for Adalina because he was already at the pumpkin farm and has one of his own. A win is when they ask to sleep together because they give each other comfort. A win is when Sammy compromises and lets Adalina read her book first because she is tired even though it is his turn to go first. A win is when they get their shoes on and we get out the door in under 20 min. A win is when Adalina helps Sammy with his shoes or jacket. A win is when either of them comforts me because I am sick or hurt or sad. The Ws are there. There are SO MANY of them right in front of our faces but can easily be overlooked.
In the rush of life we forget to appreciate all of those little things that go on. It happens because life happens. Parenting is hard enough. We don’t need to be so hard on ourselves. Appreciate all that you do!
I encourage you to look for the Ws whether they are big or small. We are all winning as parents. It just happens in our own ways. If you just pledge to do your best and show your child (ren) love, I promise you, you are doing a good job!