Marriage is TOUGH!
For some reason, I had this preconceived notion that marriage is easy when you marry the person you love. If it is true love it will be a piece of cake and you will live happily ever after. WRONG!
First of all, whoever said that is the biggest BULLSH*T artist that ever lived.
Marriage is TOUGH and do you want to know why? It takes WORK. Yes, I said that work. All relationships take work. There is never a 50-50 trade or a 100-100 trade. Follow me for a few moments.
Life happens. Bills happen. Having a baby or babies happen. A new house. A pet, maybe 2. Jobs. More jobs. Life changes. Death. Stress. Fast paced want it now society. Lack of sleep. Eating garbage foods. No exercise. Lack of motivation. Laundry piles up. Dishes in the sink. Socks on the floor. Toys on the floor. Nothing is where it is supposed to be. Family can be annoying. Are you following me?
See all of the above mentioned things can severely impact your emotions which in turn starts the cycle off of behavior and thoughts and feelings. When we are stressed we often times are acting based off of emotions. There are very few people in this world that have full and total control of their hearts. You feel me? On any given day there is stress and humans tend to react worst to the ones that we love and KNOW are there for us because it is a safety. I’m not saying that is the right thing to do. I’m saying it happens. It makes the relationship MORE work.
I’ll give you a few examples of my own.
My husband and I met later in life. I was 29. I dated and did my deal and so did he. We knew what we wanted in life and in a marriage and we found that in each other. He truly is the perfect man for me and I him but that in NO WAY means either of us are perfect. We have been through countless stress, deaths, losses, job changes, moves, baby #1, college, more deaths, baby #2, more job changes, stress, bills, chaos, drama, lack of sleep, I mean a whole world of STRESS! We went through a few years of a rough patch. SOme days were better than others. It wasn’t all bad but there were certainly periods where I couldn’t stand him or he me. Listen, I’m just keeping it real. I thought I was an evil person because my husband was pissing me off and annoying me. Well guess what? THAT IS NORMAL. People get annoyed with each other. The closer you are the more it happens because you live together so it is a MUSH of your STUFF and theirs. Add in children and you whole existence gets turned upside down. You don’t talk about it because you think for some odd reason (thanks society and social media) that your marriage is the suckiest one of all time. Guess what? It isn’t even close. What I just described is actually far more normal than not. All the pretenders that never talk about issues or act as if they have none are not being honest. When I finally opened up and talked to my friend I found that similar things happened for her. Then I talked to another friend and found that very similar things happened to her too! You get where I am going.
Moral of the story.
Marriage takes work and effort. The key is the control you have over what is happening. You get to control YOU and how you choose to react to situations. Fighting fair is important. Acknowledging your own short comings is important. Saying sorry and backing that up with action is important. Love isn’t enough to get you through. You need to constantly work on YOU and on your relationship. Time changes. Life experiences change us. Society is ever changing. As a result, there will be ebbs and flows in your relationship.
Know that it isn’t always a bad marriage. It could just be a bad time or a difficult season. Some of those do indeed exist. Some marriages are full of abuse and neglect. I’m not negating those or saying that they aren’t very real.
What I found though is this……. my marriage is pretty normal. My husband still is perfect for me and I him. We just need to remember that and remember our mission in life together on this journey. I encourage you to try to do the same. Know that it is actually really ok to vent to people although I would choose who you speak with so you aren’t negatively influenced. Have questions, please ask me. I wouldn’t consider myself a marriage expert but I do have expertise in relationships.
So on this journey of life and adventure of marriage, I’m glad for the seasons with my husband because they have helped us to grow as individuals as well as together as a couple. There is no place I’d rather be in life than by his side. Plus I get to annoy him for life! Ha ha ha I’m just kidding. Or am I? 🙂